"The Time (Dirty Bit)" by The Black Eyed Peas

Ironically, the Black Eyed Peas were late to the cover shoot

"The Time (Dirty Bit)" is based around the chorus hook from "(I've Had) The Time of My Life", the theme song of 1987 film Dirty Dancing. The track gets a club-ready treatment with a four-on-the-floor beat and handful of rap verses.

While the hook is well-chosen, the synth-enhanced rap verses don't line up quite right with its sentiments. The Black Eyed Peas are known for re-contextualizing samples and making them work in new songs, but in this case the difference is too severe: the chorus is a nostalgic, melodic love song, the verses a braggadocio-laden rap-style club stomper.

That said, my main problem with this song is that it lacks the dynamic journey found in previous singles "Imma Be", "I Gotta Feelin" and "Boom Boom Pow". After the second chorus, you've pretty much heard every trick the song has to offer, save for some yawn-inducing beat-slicing that occurs in the final chorus. The Black Eyed Peas can do and have done better.

All in all, this song is much less game-changing than any of the singles from their previous album, The E.N.D. . It's not terrible, but it's disappointing to see such a great hook get such lackluster treatment.

Patrick Swayze is displeased

"Right Thru Me" by Nicki Minaj

When headlice dream

The hype surrounding Nicki Minaj is incredible. She's released 4 singles, had a top 20 hit, contributed guest rap verses to 10 different other artists' singles and performed at the VMA awards, all without releasing a major label album. In the past year, she's gone from acclaimed underground rapper to A-list star.

Is the hype legitimate? Well, Minaj is a talented rapper, and it's been a while since the rap scene has seen such a promising female star. This alone allows her to stand out in an industry full of male rappers and female pop singers. However, only the quality of her upcoming album and future singles will determine conclusively whether or not all of this excitement was worth it.

The future, however, is difficult to predict.

"Right Thru Me" is based on a sample from Joe Satriani's 80's cornball guitar ballad "Always With Me, Always With You". Minaj tries to bring her tough attitude to what is clearly intended to be a happy, cheesy song, with mixed results. For the most part, the verses allow Minaj to display her skillful lyricism, and feature effective wordplay. The choruses, on the other hand, feel cliched and mismatched.

Overall, this song feels like an inferior version of Minaj's previous single "Your Love". It has its positive moments, and Minaj has talent as a rapper, but her songs haven't given her ample opportunity to show it yet. Hopefully, this will change in the near future.

"We R Who We R" by Ke$ha

And she is who she is.

When Ke$ha burst onto the scene last year, her "sing-talk" gimmick and annoyingly catchy party songs catapulted her straight to the top of the charts. The question now is whether this same gimmick will continue to impress the general public. Apparently, the answer is yes ("We R Who We R" debuted at number 1).

What about what's underneath the gimmick, though? Personally, I can put up with Ke$ha's bizarre style if the underlying song is well-written and interesting. Previous hits "Tik Tok" and "Your Love Is My Drug" had some muscle as songs, not just as Ke$ha-delivery vehicles.

Sadly, "We R Who We R" is no match for such company, instead falling more towards the "generic party song" category. The worst part of it is the bridge, which consists entirely of the words "DJ, turn it up" repeated multiple times.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY? I CAN'T HEAR YOU"

All in all, "We R Who We R" is a step backwards, not only for the English language but also for Ke$ha's artistic credibility. She really needs to figure out a new gimmick, or at least write some better songs.

"Just A Dream" by Nelly

Half-jackets are all the rage in dreamland

Instead of my usual review, I'm just going to comment on a few select quotes from this song.

"I was thinkin' 'bout her, thinkin' about me.
Thinkin' about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream."

Summary: Nelly thought he was was thinking about a lady, but it turned out to be a dream. Apparently he doesn't think about relationships while awake, or maybe he does, but he just doesn't care to mention it.

"If you ever loved somebody put your hands up."

This is the new thing for cops to say when busting any kind of crime operation. It's like a preamble to the Miranda rights.

"Now I'm in the club thinkin' all about my baby."

This is a little bit confusing. Could Nelly actually be pondering the details of a relationship while awake? There's not enough evidence to say either way.

"I was at the top and I was like I’m in the basement."

Nelly excels at hide-and-seek because of this kind of clever treachery.

"And now you ain't around, baby I can't think.
Shoulda put it down. Shoulda got that ring."

Wait, what? I have searched the rest of the lyrics for the song, and there's no indication of what the "it" Nelly "shoulda put down" is.

We can only speculate

"Raise Your Glass" by P!nk

You better do what she says

P!nk has been very careful in crafting her image. She's mainstream, but not that mainstream. She's cool, but edgy cool. She's rough, tough and in-your-face, wasting no energy on sweetness or diplomacy. She may have sold 30 million albums, but P!nk is not like the other pop divas; she's a rebel.

"Raise Your Glass" is the quintessential P!nk song. It's a party anthem for those who are "wrong in all the right ways", those who will "never be anything but loud", or, as P!nk so eloquently puts it, "nitty gritty dirty little freaks".

People outside of the "nitty gritty dirty little freak" target demographic would probably still enjoy the song, though, since it was co-written by Max Martin and is therefore engineered to be a hit. This is not to say that the song doesn't have its creative moments, because it does have quite a few of them, most notably the third-chorus fake-out, which is tremendously effective.

Sound-wise, Martin's signature over-processed guitars feel right at home, giving P!nk the rock edge that so many pop stars seem to be without these days. P!nk's voice sounds great, as always.

Lyrically, I should also mention that P!nk chooses to use the line "why so serious?" twice in the song, preceding both of the first two choruses. Is she hinting at something?

Suddenly the "dirty little freak" line makes a lot more sense

"Raise Your Glass" walks a tight rope between a fun, silly party song and something that's trying to make a deeper and more artistic statement about acceptance. P!nk's spoken "aside" comments sprinkled throughout the song make me think it's intended to be more of the former, but whether it's about existentialist criminals or just a fun party tune, "Raise Your Glass" is a winner.

"Deuces" by Chris Brown

How cute, he named his middle and pointer fingers!

Chris Brown's new "Deuces" is, musically, everything that a pop R&B song should be. The arrangement is spacious and varied, the melodies free-flowing and the form fluid. Additionally, the song features not one, but two genuinely well-done guest rap verses. Not only has Chris Brown's smooth R&B voice never sounded better, it has never had a better-suited vehicle.

The song sounds somewhat depressing on paper: Brown, Tyga and producer Kevin McCall take turns describing failed relationships. It is a bit mournful, but the song turns out to be more about making the positive decision to leave the relationship behind. The "deuces" referred to in the song are the peace signs the speakers are throwing up, telling the object of the song they're going to "peace out".

Sorry, turns out this song's not about poker

All in all, "Deuces" is a compelling listen, but I'm more interested in hearing what's next for Brown. Maybe he'll write a song about pocket aces. Seriously, why aren't there more songs about poker?

Even "Poker Face" wasn't about poker

"Waiting For The End" by Linkin Park

Waiting for this cover art to make sense

Linkin Park's new single "Waiting For The End" is a very different sort of song for the band, taking place in a major key and featuring an industrial ballad aesthetic. While the arrangement may lack the depth and nuance of some of the arrangements from Hybrid Theory and Meteora, the song itself is as good or better than most of the material from those two albums.

My favorite thing about this song is its form, an altered sort of verse-chorus structure that allows the song to build throughout its entirety. All of this building culminates in the final section, which layers multiple themes of the song into a satisfying climax. This form also allows vocalist Chester Bennington to show off the dynamic nature of his voice.

Rivaled only by the dynamic nature of his hair

As for the instrumentation of the song, it works alright as is, but I miss the real drums and guitars.

More of these please

In the end, this song is one step closer to a newer, better Linkin Park. They simply need to take their new found songwriting sensibility and combine it with their older, more intricate arranging style. That would truly be the best of both worlds.

"Only Girl (In The World)" by Rihanna

Quit blinking!

Rihanna took a brief detour from radio-ready pop last year with the darker, more adventurous "Rated R". With her new single "Only Girl (In The World)", she has pointedly returned from that detour. While I might have been interested in hearing another more experimental album from her, switching back to mainstream pop is definitely the better choice, at least from a commercial perspective. If "Only Girl" is any indication of the quality of her upcoming album, I can safely say it was a good choice artistically as well.

The most commendable aspect of this song is the sneaky modulation that occurs when the chorus begins, allowing Rihanna to shift her vocals up into a higher register, giving the chorus the extra punch it needs.

During said chorus, Rihanna asks the object of the song to "love [her] like [she's] the only girl in the world". Most of the song revolves around this idea, but, in a surprising turn, she also asks to be loved like a "hot ride" and held "like a pillow". Allow me to summarize:

Hi, my name is Rihanna. Please view me as a combination of the following:

Seriously, though, "Only Girl (In The World)" is a great high-energy club hit with a surprising amount of musical intelligence. Why can't all pop music be this good?

"Mine" by Taylor Swift

Or is it "Mime"?

"Mine" is a bold step for Taylor Swift, with lyrics detailing the heartbreaking tragedy of a third world orphan who loses her legs in a land mine accident, then dies of –

It's a happy song about love. It sounds a lot like previous hits "Love Story" and "You Belong With Me". Swift is continuing to do what works for her as a songwriter and artist, and as long as she can pull it off it's fine by me.

It is worth mentioning that Swift has sole writing credit for this song, which may explain why it doesn't feel quite as slick or streamlined as the previously mentioned "You Belong With Me". I think this is a positive step, however, as Swift will develop more as a songwriter by being allowed to experiment on her own. Additionally, the moments in this song that aren't as perfectly polished make it feel more genuine, which is always a good thing.

I'm curious to see what direction Swift goes with her next single; will it be exactly the same or just mostly the same? We will have to wait and see.

"Just The Way You Are" by Bruno Mars

Actually, maybe you should get that skin problem looked at

After making two massive guest appearances on B.o.B.'s "Nothin' On You" and Travie McCoy's "Billionaire", Bruno Mars is making his own bid for stardom with his first major single "Just The Way You Are". No, it's not a Billy Joel cover, but the message is similar, if a little less nuanced.

Much has been said about the quality of Bruno Mars' voice, and, on this track, he lives up to all of it. The arrangement backing up his vocals is equally grand, with anthemic drums and piano layered to great effect. The only downside to all of this positive sound is that, when the lyrics are taken into account, the song feels a tad cheesy - overdone around the edges.

Much like this cheese soufflé

Luckily, "Just The Way You Are" has a few musical tricks up its sleeve that keep it from falling into the "forgettable, sappy love song" category. First of all, the song is built around a I-vi-IV-I progression, which makes no use of the V chord; this gives the song a rolling, circular feel. Secondly, a sizable portion of the song contains no backbeat, boldly defying pop radio listener's expectations. These attributes of the arrangement are what keep the song from being too obvious, an important feature of a good song in my book.

In the end, "Just The Way You Are" is a respectable effort, but given Mars' experience in the music industry I expected a little more. That said, I look forward to seeing more of Mars in the future.

But that's another topic entirely

"DJ Got Us Fallin' In Love" by Usher

'Cause DJ can't get us fallin' in love by ourselves, Pitbull got to be there too

What does Usher's single "DJ Got Us Fallin' In Love" have to offer, besides poor grammar, a guest appearance by Pitbull, and an extremely lackluster single cover? Nothing special, I'm afraid. While Usher's singing is as vibrant and powerful as ever, it's not enough to save the song from an unimaginative instrumental arrangement and a rap bridge that is a prime example of why rap bridges are a terrible idea.

There are, however, a few interesting moments in the lyrics. During the first verse, Usher claims the dance floor makes him feel like a "zombie gone back to life". Usually, the phrase is "come back to life", but as we have already seen, Usher is unconcerned with conforming his lyrics to established norms of the English language. While I do not applaud his word choice, Usher gets points in my book for the zombie reference.

In the second verse, Usher says he's "gonna set the roof on fire", which is at first understood to refer to the "hotness" of the dance moves that he proposes to do. However, he clarifies in the next line that he's "gonna burn this mother [father] down", making it difficult to accept the sentiment as metaphor and not a literal threat of arson.

Assuming that Usher is hosting this party at his own residence, it turns out that Edgar Allan Poe actually predicted this exact event, 171 years prior:

Not featuring Pitbull this time

"Double Vision" by 3OH!3

After hours, nay, DAYS of deliberation, they finally chose this cover

From 2009 breakout hit "Don't Trust Me" to recent success "My First Kiss", 3OH!3 has consistently delivered music that blurs the line between the incredibly catchy and the intolerably annoying. Their latest single, "Double Vision", leans towards the former, but still delivers enough of the latter to qualify as classic 3OH!3.

That said, this song is a notch above the dance pop duo's standard fare. Its greatest innovation is its pre-chorus, which features clever lyrics and a lower-than-usual vocal melody. This gives the song dynamic range, a quality noticeably absent from many of their other tracks. Also, the octave guitar in the verses gives the song a hint of 70's funk, a welcome addition to the 3OH!3 formula.

That said, there are a few moments in the song that feel a bit stale. 3OH!3 refuses to fix what is not broken: the rhythm of the "hey" yells in the chorus is exactly identical to that of the kissing sound effects from the first chorus of their previous single "My First Kiss". Additionally, 3OH!3 name check themselves in the bridge, singing "we only clap because we need more 3OH!3".

These guys just can't get enough of each other, apparently

All things considered, though, this song is one of 3OH!3's best singles to date. It's a shame it hasn't enjoyed the success of "Don't Trust Me" or "Starstrukk".

I would like to close with this message to 3OH!3:

Please free the souls imprisoned in this album cover

"Misery" by Maroon 5

Brought to you by the letter "M".

Maroon 5 have skillfully skirted the line between jazz, funk and radio-ready pop for the last decade, and continue to do so with their newest single "Misery". While "Misery" may not break any new ground for the band stylistically, it makes up for it by hitting harder and stronger than before.

Maroon 5's signature sound is instantly recognizable: straight ahead drums, funky guitar, groovy bass, soulful vocals, and, most of all, heartbreaking lyrics. Just listen to the chorus:

I am in misery
There ain't no other who can comfort me
Why won't you answer me?
Your silence is slowly killing me

Did you catch all that? The speaker is suffering a slow, painful death. Additionally, he is unable to find healing except in one person, a specific person with whom he is particularly obsessed.

I know what you're thinking: that sounds surprisingly similar to the plot of 2002 sci-fi film Star Trek Nemesis. And you are correct.

Shinzon: #1 Maroon 5 fan

Adam Levine: #1 Shinzon fan

It is clear that Adam Levine wrote the lyrics to "Misery" with two objectives in mind:

1. Explore themes of unrequited love.
2. Describe the plot of what is generally considered to be the worst Star Trek: The Next Generation movie.

And I would say that he succeeded.

"Dynamite" by Taio Cruz

Listen, Taio, I don't understand why you keep buying sunglasses with no arms.

While Taio Cruz only recently broke into the US market with his single "Break Your Heart", he is not new to the game. He has been an industry songwriter for a long time, and has just in the last couple years begun pursuing his own solo career.

His industry-songwriter style has never been more obvious than on his newest single, "Dynamite". The chord progression is tried and true, and the lyrics are mostly about dancing, with Taio exclaiming "I throw my hands up in the air sometimes". Bold statement, there: he throws his hands up in the air...sometimes.

Usually adherence to such a standard formula results in a banal and forgettable pop song, but this tune escapes with a couple of original moments. First off, I really appreciate the sense of humor in Taio Cruz's language and rhymes, especially the following lines:

"I came to dance, dance, dance, dance
I hit the floor 'cause that's my plans, plans, plans, plans"

Secondly, the ubiquitous Dr. Luke applies his hardest-hitting production techniques to the track, bringing back the synth stylings of previous Ke$ha hit "Tik Tok". If you liked that song, you will probably like this one.

Overall, the song doesn't do anything new, but it's fun when listened to in the proper context, which is with friends while dancing/intoxicated. Who knows, you might even throw your hands up in the air. Sometimes.

"Cooler Than Me" by Mike Posner

Mike sometimes talks like a pirate.

Mike Posner's first big hit comes in the form of 12/8 dance track "Cooler Than Me". A combination of electro-pop and whiny R&B vocals gives the song a dark, hip sound. The lyrics are about a girl who thinks that she is cooler than Mike Posner.

Clearly a very cool guy.

For me, what makes this song work is the ambiguity of the verse/chorus form: the verse and chorus sound very similar, making the song feel almost like a strophic form jam, save for the contrasting bridge. The high background note at the end of the bridge (appropriately on the word "clouds") breaks up the claustrophobic, repetitive melody, giving the song a dynamic peak vocally.

After the last chorus, the music picks back up and suddenly we've got a synth solo going on. It's a little surprising, but in a good way, like you just finished eating a takeout pizza and the box suddenly turned into a bicycle. Your first thought would be, "Holy crap, what just happened", but then you would calm down and realize you had just gotten yourself a free bike.

Take-home lesson: Synth solo = Free bike

After the synth solo, the song is suddenly over. There are a lot of places the song could have gone, like back to the bridge chords or one of the earlier verses, but it just ends. Left hanging, we scream aloud in our frustration, "You know what, Mike Posner? Maybe she is cooler than you."

"Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry

More like "Teenage Complex Partial Seizure"

The lead single off Katy Perry's new album, entitled "California Gurls", blended trendy dance-pop with 70s funk. The follow-up single, "Teenage Dream", also produced by the omnipresent Dr. Luke, goes in a more contemporary pop-rock direction.

Similar to most of Dr. Luke's work, it is based around a dance beat and a syncopated, anthemic chord progression. Similar to most of Katy Perry's work, it has thoughtful lyrics and effective melodies. Similar to most of their collaborations, it is a smart, slick, and well thought out pop song.

In particular, the bridge of "Teenage Dream" is a fantastic example of Perry's uniquely infectious melodic sensibility. The bridge is so good that Dr. Luke and Perry decided to write it into the song twice - once before the final chorus and once after. It is wonderful to hear the section twice, but after the second repetition the song just fizzles and fades out. What circumstances could possibly have led to such an unresolved ending? To this end, we can only speculate.

Dr. Luke: Hey! Now that we're done with the second bridge, how do you want to end it?
Katy Perry: ...
Dr. Luke: Dangit! She's gone catatonic again!

At least we can get the cover shot done.

"Crossfire" by Brandon Flowers

Brandon's signature often gets him into trouble at the bank.

If you don't know who Brandon Flowers is, allow me to inform you: he is the lead singer/keyboardist for Las Vegas rock group The Killers. "Crossfire" is the lead single off of his upcoming solo debut "Flamingo", and it is a fantastic song.

It's got a lot of things going for it. The instrumental arrangement is nuanced and intelligent. The production, while a little overstated, is just right for the song. The lyrics paint a compelling portrait of a husband/wife (or comparable) relationship, and Flower's voice has never sounded more full and powerful. However, all this is eclipsed by the music video, which features Charlize Theron. Charlize Theron...fighting ninjas.

Here's the only problem: after making a video like this, Flowers' career has nowhere to go but down. He should have saved the concept for later, and instead made a video based on the album's title:

The one in front is a bit camera-shy.

This sort of video would guarantee future improvement.

"Whataya Want From Me" by Adam Lambert

"...because THIS is what you're getting."

After singing his way to fame on the 8th season of "American Idol", it was clear that Adam Lambert was on the fast track to becoming a huge star. What wasn't clear was what sort of style of music he would pursue. However, now that we've all heard his first major hit "Whataya Want From Me", well, uh, we... we still aren't really sure.

The verse plays out like a 90s alt-rock ballad, with a clean guitar riff underscoring lyrics (actually mostly written by P!nk) about some sort of relationship struggle. The music is subdued, and the tone is decidedly intimate. However, roughly a minute into the track the drums pick up and suddenly we're livin' on a prayer, with Lambert howling "Just don't give up!" like Michael Bay was suddenly hired to produce the track.

Michael Bay: "Make it sound more like THIS."

It's not that any particular part of the song is bad in and of itself (rather the opposite), it's just that the tones of the various sections just don't quite fit with one another. It's like chocolate and steak. I like both of them, but I'm not going to eat a chocolate/steak sandwich. Well, I might, but I digress.

Despite all of these criticisms, I actually like this song quite a lot, and think that Adam Lambert has a lot of potential. He just needs to decide what he wants to sound like, and work on getting top-notch songs to match his top-notch vocal abilities.

Kesha Has No Talent?

One of the funnier things I've heard recently: people saying that pop star Kesha - I'm sorry, "Ke$ha" - has "no talent". These accusations basically come down to one of the following:

1) She Can't Sing

2) She Doesn't Write Her Own Songs

3) She Can't Sing and Doesn't Write Her Own Songs

Now, why is this funny? It is not unrealistic to think that, in our age of industry songwriters and auto-tune, a successful pop star could lack skill in one or both of these departments. However, what exactly is a pop star responsible for? I propose that they essentially have the following three duties:

1) Sing

2) Write Songs

3) Look good

Now, follow this logic. If a label were to choose someone to market as a pop star, and didn't care about 1) and/or 2), which one of the following people would they choose?

"Dance Team 4 Life"

"My last name is literally Fox"

I'm not saying that Ke-dollar-ha is ugly, I'm just saying that she must have some kind of skill in 1) or 2). From what I've been able to gather, she is in fact a talented songwriter and a decent singer. It is true that the overall sonic quality of her tracks has more to do with the talents of her producer Dr. Luke (of whom I am a huge fan) than any particular skill she has, but anyone who calls her talentless has clearly not taken a good, hard look at the facts.

"Alejandro" by Lady Gaga

"Don't call my name, don't call my name, I am sleepy"

An artist of Gaga's aspirations has a lot to live up to with each successive single. For some part, she has delivered truly transcendent pop songs, such as "Bad Romance" and "Paparazzi", each of which featured splendid, expansive melodies and non-derivative harmonic material ("Paparazzi" even features a genuinely effective modulation - a rarity in pop music these days) as well as the vibrant, obsessive lyrics that make up all of the best in pop. "Alejandro" features quite the opposite: a repetitive, claustrophobic melody (at least for the chorus); a derivative progression (IV-I-V-vi for the majority of it) and lyrics that actively reject her object of obsession ("don't call my name"). While the song is catchy and has found some success, I don't believe that it possesses the same durability as Gaga's earlier hits.

This is not to say that the song is without merit. While I have criticized the chorus melody, the verse melody is quite dynamic and possesses a strong originality. It starts off with a fragment of the verse of "LoveGame" ("I wanna kiss you" becomes "she's got both hands...") and then departs into a new, varied series of phrases. The progression (i-III-v) is also striking and facilitates the inventive melody. In contrast, the pre-chorus melody is more static, as to draw attention to the rhythm; this gives the vocals the impression of rap.

While the verse is impressive, the standout moment in this song is the slow buildup of elements beginning at the bridge and continuing until the end. What could have been a one-off chorus and fin becomes an exciting minute and a half of cascading "Alejandro"s. Though this section of the song is very well-done, it could have been even better had it lasted a little longer and incorporated some of Gaga's higher, more powerful register, which is strangely underutilized.

This song fell short of absolute brilliance, but I do believe that Lady Gaga has what it takes to write durable and timeless pop music. She just needs to understand exactly what elements separate her good songs from her great ones, and focus on refining those elements. In the case of "Alejandro", I would say that her harmonizations are the biggest issue - a reharmonization of the chorus could improve this song significantly.

"I like the sound of this...HARMonization. Tell me more"